We don’t respond to reality. We respond to the meaning we give it.
My husband and I drove down for a conference in Liverpool a few months ago. Upon arrival at our hotel, we discovered a long queue of customers waiting to be checked in. Eventually, it was our turn. The lady serving us at the desk asked us to provide confirmation of our reservation details, we did this promptly. She paused and quietly explained that she could not find our reservation.
She proceeded to search the system quietly. A few minutes felt like hours because we were under tight time pressure. I could feel irritation rising within me and I felt the need to be short with her and request assistance from a manager.
Then I remembered my own experience working as a customer services advisor at Next Directory many years ago. I remembered how it felt when a customer was frustrated and I was trying to resolve a problem that was not of my own making.
So I paused.
Initially, I was interpreting the situation though the lens of my own convenience. Then I deliberately tried to see it from hers.
Perhaps there was something happening that I couldn’t see.
Nothing about the situation had changed.
The queue was still there.
Our reservation was still missing.
We were still under time pressure.
But my response changed completely.
The irritation disappeared.
Although nothing around me changed, everything within me did.
Leadership implication
We rarely respond to reality alone. We respond to the meaning we attach to reality.
An employee asks a difficult question.
One leader hears a challenge to their authority.
Another hears a request for clarity.
Another sees an organised coup.
The same situation can produce very different conclusions.
The higher you rise, the more weight your perspectives carry.
A CEO who interprets challenge as disrespect or disloyalty, may take steps to silence the very people who could have identified an organisational problem early.
A director who interprets uncertainty as incompetence may remove someone whose caution could have prevented a costly mistake.
A manager who interprets silence as agreement, may create a culture where people stop speaking up.
Leaders don’t just interpret situations. They act on those interpretations—and other people live with the consequences.
Question for reflection
What might your position make difficult for you to see?
Character Code™ principle:
A leaders perspective shapes the imprint they leave on others.
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About Character Code™
Character Code™ is a leadership framework built around ordinary moments that reveal extraordinary character. Through articles, workshops, executive coaching and keynote presentations, Character Code™ helps leaders recognise the invisible decisions that shape trust, culture and the lasting imprint they leave on others.
About the Author
Chikodi is a Leadership Development Consultant, Speaker and Executive Coach who helps organisations develop leaders who build trust, strengthen culture and lead with character. She is the creator of Character Code™, a body of work exploring how character shapes judgment, influence and the lasting imprint leaders leave on others. Through articles, workshops and keynote presentations,
Chikodi challenges leaders to look beyond competence alone and cultivate the inner qualities that inspire trust and lasting impact.
Continue the Conversation
Leadership is not simply about the decisions we make—it is also about the character from which those decisions flow.
If this article has prompted you to reflect on your own leadership, I invite you to explore the Character Code™ series, where I explore the principles that shape judgment, influence and the lasting imprint leaders leave on those they lead.