A few years ago, I attended a team meeting which was scheduled to discuss a range of issues. At some point during the meeting, a team member began making negative comments about another member of staff who was absent. Everyone in the boardroom kept quiet but I realised a choice to make. I could either remain silent or I could speak up.
I chose to speak.
I respectfully cautioned the team member to desist from speaking negatively about the relevant member of staff. I explained that it would be best to discuss any issues directly with the member of staff privately. I also recognised that although there may have been some elements of truth in what they said, a team meeting was the wrong place to address those issues.
I noticed that the rest of the team remained silent possibly because they agreed with what was being said. Or perhaps they were just too afraid to speak. I mustered the courage to speak because I felt that if I was being spoken about in such a manner, I would also want someone to speak on my behalf.
The character quality that was revealed during the interaction was selfless advocacy. I call this selfless advocacy because it requires a leader to lend their voice to advocate on behalf of someone else who is not in the room irrespective of fear or favour.
When negative comments are being spoken about an individual, most people instinctively defend themselves. However, when the same comments are being spoken about someone else, it becomes easier to dissociate oneself. However, those moments send a signal to everyone present. The team may conclude that such an individual only speaks when personally affected. A stronger leadership habit is to become a leader who selflessly advocates for others even when there is no derivable personal benefit.
From a leadership standpoint, it is beneficial for leaders to become aware that neutrality is rarely an option for leaders.
A leader’s decision to speak or stay silent teaches the organization what is acceptable. Leaders should therefore take the time to selflessly advocate on behalf of a colleague or direct report in their absence. Selfless advocacy does not imply that wrongdoing is tolerated, however, it does mean that issues are resolved in the right setting and a culture of respect is built in seemingly insignificant moments.
When leaders permit disrespect in someone’s absence, they do more than tolerate a single conversation. They establish a precedent. Team members quickly learn what is acceptable, what will be challenged, and what will be ignored. Over time, these repeated moments shape psychological safety far more than any values statement displayed on the office wall.
Character is rarely revealed in structured and well-rehearsed speeches. It is revealed in unplanned moments when leaders must choose between being active or being passive. A leader who chooses to advocate instead of ignoring the situation is at of risk becoming unpopular. However, being unpopular in the short term, will yield trust over time as employees begin to realise that such a leader demonstrates kindness when they are being watched, and also when no one is watching.
Selfless advocacy requires momentarily forgetting about yourself or the perceptions of those around you. In that moment, all that is required from you is that you reflect on the information and contemplate how you would respond if the negative words were being spoken about you.
Based on those reflections, take action and advocate on behalf of the individual as if you were advocating for yourself.
Character Code™ principle:
Great leaders intentionally advocate for those they lead even in high-stakes situations.
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About Character Code™
Character Code™ is a leadership framework built around ordinary moments that reveal extraordinary character. Through articles, workshops, executive coaching and keynote presentations, Character Code™ helps leaders recognise the invisible decisions that shape trust, culture and the lasting imprint they leave on others.
About the Author
Chikodi is a Leadership Development Consultant, Speaker and Executive Coach who helps organisations develop leaders who build trust, strengthen culture and lead with character. She is the creator of Character Code™, a body of work exploring how character shapes judgment, influence and the lasting imprint leaders leave on others. Through articles, workshops and keynote presentations,
Chikodi challenges leaders to look beyond competence alone and cultivate the inner qualities that inspire trust and lasting impact.
Continue the Conversation
Leadership is not simply about the decisions we make—it is also about the character from which those decisions flow.
If this article has prompted you to reflect on your own leadership, I invite you to explore the Character Code™ series, where I explore the principles that shape judgment, influence and the lasting imprint leaders leave on those they lead.
Reflection:
The next time someone criticises a colleague who isn’t in the room, before deciding whether to remain silent, ask yourself:
What would I hope someone else would do if these words were being spoken about me?